JUKEBOX: Songs to Gift-Give By
It’s almost the middle of December already, which means we’re getting into panic season for those who don’t shop until the last minute. Whether you’re shopping for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa or just for some kind of non-religious celebration, hopefully these songs will inspire some gift ideas.
1) “This Diamond Ring,” Gary Lewis and the Playboys (1965)
Let’s start this off with the”go big or go home” presents. Get your girl a diamond ring. I’m pretty sure the narrator of this song is offering rock bottom prices on this slightly used, finger-removed one, so that’s always an option.
2) “Little Deuce Coupe,” The Beach Boys (1963)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6DrMkLNYKw
Maybe instead of bragging about your car all the time like the narrator of this song, share the wealth by getting that special someone their very own Deuce Coupe. Or maybe step up your game with a more modern car.
3) “Cuddly Toy,” The Monkees (1967)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3127ue93-0
You could get that special someone a “cuddly toy” as the title suggests. Or for an idea more related to the context of the song, maybe give her some respect?
4) “The Puppy Song,” Harry Nilsson (1969)
Anyone with this much longing for a puppy clearly needs one. Just explain to them that there are lots of responsibilities involved. It’s not all sharing cups of tea. Something about Harry Nilsson’s particular style of songwriting makes his songs work great for playlists. So instead of complaining about two Nilsson-penned pieces in a row, how about you thank me for not including two songs sung by him yet again (“Good Old Desk” is on the cutting-room floor). Besides, Thanksgiving was just a couple weeks ago, and if you didn’t say you were thankful for Harry Nilsson, why are we speaking?
5) “I’m Gonna Bring a Watermelon To My Girl Tonight,” The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band (1967)
If you have some kind of strange fruit-for-physical-contact trading program with your girl, you might want to rethink the relationship. Or you could always just go for the gold with a watermelon, much like the protagonist in this cover of a 1920s tune.
6) “Red Rubber Ball,” The Cyrkle (1966)
Stocking stuffer time! Or just a small thing for someone you don’t like much. Up to you. I used to get this mixed up with Peter and Gordon’s “A World Without Love” in terms of what more-famous person wrote it. But no, this one wasn’t written by Paul McCartney, but Paul Simon and Bruce Woodley (The Seekers).
7) “Cheap Sunglasses,” ZZ Top (1979)
Most people have eyes, so cheap sunglasses are almost a perfect gift. And they can be picked up almost anywhere! On the way to your grandma’s house and forgot the gift? I’m sure you can pick this one up at the gas station and tell her “I was thinking of you, Gram-Gram!”
8) “Velvet Elvis,” Alex Winston (2011)
I know this is a more recent song, but what a great gift for classic rock fans! Hopefully they just don’t get a creepy sexual attraction to it that lands them in a mental institution like the protagonist of this song.
9) “Kite,” Kate Bush (1978)
Not to belabour the mental institution point but here’s a great gift for people who think the sky is telling them to become a kite. Just give them a real one and play compare and contrast. Or great for kids and outdoorsy folk.
But if you still don’t have any ideas after all this…
10) “Money, Money, Money,” ABBA (1976)
Just give them money! Gift cards are too new-age.
Hear all these songs in my gift to you, an organized Spotify playlist. You’re welcome.
