FANTASIA OBSCURA: Frankie, Annette, and… Vincent Price? This Is No Beach Party
There are some fantasy, science fiction, and horror films that not every fan has caught. Not every film ever made has been seen by the audience that lives for such fare. Some of these deserve another look, because sometimes not every film should remain obscure.
Sometimes, though, you can just get way too silly, even for a comedy…
Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965)
(Dist.: American International; Dir.: Norman Taurog)
The Sixties were known for a lot of things, two of which managed to come together far too often: films about ruthless megalomaniacs trying to take over the world being stopped by Cold War-inspired agencies, (oh, so, so many cabals and wackos trying to take over the world), and films that were too damn silly for their own good.
And in this case where the two met, the latter definitely carried the day here.
You’ve see enough spy-plot movies, you probably know the drill by now: big bad, great ambitions, devilish plot, lone hero, yadda, yadda, yadda, stir, roll in paper and light.
Big bad: Doctor Goldfoot (Vincent Price). Vibrant, extravagant, theatrical. Samuel Arkoff thought he came off as gay, which at the time was something to avoid as that was considered a no-no, but would have added a major campy level of attraction to a modern viewer; this being the Sixties, a wasted opportunity.
The great ambition: grand larceny. Which, for a guy with his own castle under a funeral home (big enough to re-use the set piece from Pit and the Pendulum without arousing the suspicion of the neighbors) seems superfluous, but hey, the Sixties were a go-go time for the ambitious, so why not?
The devilish plot: use robots that are not only shaped like women, but women that look very good in gold-colored bikinis made out of materials not intended for swimming. Strictly eye candy, which is what Goldfoot intends for his weapons of mass distraction: get them to marry his targets, then have them sign over their assets to the “wives” who then funnel the proceeds to Goldfoot directly.
Oh, and like the plot for On Her Majesty’s Secret Service was any better.
The lone hero: Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon), a junior agent for the Secret Intelligence Command (SIC) who starts off with a “00½” rating and despite working for his uncle Donald (Fred Clark) gets demoted in the field. He’s only aware of the plot because Unit # 11, aka “Diane” (Susan Hart, getting a lot of attention in the film in all likelihood thanks to her being the second wife of the film’s producer and American International founder James Nicholson), confuses him for her real target, millionaire Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman), and the two men, out of a mutual desire for her, work together to get to the bottom of the plot.
Extra consideration: added to the cast in special appearances are both Annette Funicello and Harvey Lembeck once again as Eric Von Zipper, who both are noted in the closing credits as “soon to be seen in… The Girl in the Glass Bikini” (to be renamed on its release The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini), which may have allowed A-I to write off the film as advertising for the studio. Also of note are the final chase scenes which were shot on the streets of San Francisco, in many of the same locations where Bullitt would be shot three years later.
Also worth considering: the sheer randomness of the film’s opening, with the clay animation done by Art Clokey, the creator of Gumby, and the theme song sung by the Supremes, a combination that even Dr. Goldfoot’s best computers for programming his robots would be hard pressed to rationalize years later:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqk74e1KLaM
End result: not even the umpteenth repetition of, “Well, we did crazy stuff in the Sixties” could ever explain this one away. The story is almost random, and Price does his best to maintain some level of professionalism with the script he was handed while everyone else could barely keep a straight face while doing this one.
Despite it all, there was certainly a positive enough response from the audience that A-I put a sequel into production, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, which despite a few minor tweaks (such as swapping out Avalon for Fabian) meant that we had a film with —
Well, by now you should know the drill…
NEXT TIME: Before Nancy met Ronnie in Hellcats of the Navy, she shared the screen with someone with a LOT more pull…
